Well, it seem that my post on THE BAD DAY has won the Golden Aardie Award.

There is something slightly goofy about winning an award about bad days. But I’ve found that depression has taken me to a lot of places I never thought I’d go.

Thanks, Orycteropus Afer. We wish you the best.

-DarkMyRoad

Fall is the time of new beginnings in the parish. Sunday School, confirmation, schools, it is the secular Advent that the Church kind of must adopt because of our culture. There are many good things about all of these.

My topic for today, though, is how does this affect the person with anxiety or depression?

For me, transitions are the toughest. Moving from one thing to another, new or different situations, new people or increased interaction with people, all of these things are kind of the button for my mental status. Press it, and the energy starts going out my big toe (or wherever energy goes).

So when it comes to fall and all of these new beginnings, if I had blood pressure problems, they would show up. My anxiety goes up, I start to feel like I’m walking through mud, and I can’t get that big toe to stop running all my energy out.

So what does one do to handle all of these pressures and transitions? Well, here are a few tips. Hopefully, I can follow them myself:

• Be realistic with what you can and cannot do. Pastors believe they are supermen, who can leap over tall sinners with a single bound. But we all have limits. If you suffer from depression or anxiety, some of those limits are going to be much more clearly defined. You are no good to your parish by doing everything and then having a breakdown. Think through what you can handle, and then work with someone you trust (elders, circuit counselor, even a friend or counselor can help), to come up with ways to manage the things you cannot do. There is no shame in this. It is reality.
• Say no. When someone asks you to do something else, say no. It’s hard. Let me spell it for you: N-O. It doesn’t mean you are a loser, it means you are realistic about your own health and healing. That’s a good thing.
• Build in time for relaxation, both with your family and by yourself. While this may appear selfish, it is absolutely necessary. You big toe is draining, and you have to have time to recharge. That time doesn’t magically appear from the time fairy. You have to guard it, and I would urge you to get some people you trust in your parish to help you guard it. You need it.
• Pray. I know I’ve said this before, but this is always true. Pray and meditate on the Word of God. I’m not talking about praying all of the Hours here. But pray to our heavenly Father for strength and wisdom and good judgment. He will give it to you. Our Lord is our Sabbath rest. Rest in Him.
• Be fed. If there is a way to hear the preaching of the Gospel from another pastor, do it. If you have to get them via podcasting or whatever, do it. The preacher does indeed preach to himself, but at the end of the day, even the preacher needs to hear it extra nos.
• Stagger these transitions. Don’t start everything on one Sunday. Show a video for Bible class for the first week. Have confirmation begin later in the year. Do whatever you need to do in order to stagger these transitions. If they all hit you at once, you’re toast.

Well, there is my Saturday morning wisdom. Now I’m off to some relaxation. Did I forget anything? Let’s hear about it.

-DarkMyRoad

I recently picked up the original Star Wars triology at Goodwill for $4. I love a good deal. So I’m watching the shows I watched when I was growing up. But this time I’m focusing on a different character than normal: C-3PO.

C-3PO could have been suffering from clinical depression. I know, I know. Droids don’t have bio-chemical imbalances or situational disasters that send them down the rabbit who so many of us experience. Duh. But run with me on this.

C-3PO has the miraculous way of always looking at the worst in any situation. “We’re doomed.” “I’m going to regret this.” “Oh he excels at that.” Most of C-3PO’s statements follow along these lines, especially in the first movie (or fourth movie, depending on how you’re counting).

Now from a cinematic point of view, he serves to ask the question and express the fears of the audience. “How are they going to get outta THAT?” It’s a part of what makes his character fun, expecially in contrast to the irrepresively happy R2D2. (I hate R2D2.)

But what really is intriguing is looking at C-3PO as a character. His view, frankly, could be the view of someone clinically depressed. It’s like your brain is hard-wired never to see the future, to dwell on the impossibilities of today, and to only imagine that things will get worse. (Confessional Lutherans, btw, are in general susceptible to this.)

This is how I often feel. It’s certainly how I have felt in my darkest hours. In the midst of the fog, the darkeness, the wet blanket of life, I can’t seem to get out of it. I can’t see past it. Things will collapse. I will never get better. I get mad at myself, I zone, I get angry at my family, lash out at anything and everything, if I have the energy to be angry. Often I just mentally implode, where nothing is moving and I can’t get out of it.

It does remind one of St. Paul’s words from I Corinthians:

This of course is the balance we all seek. Recognizing the trials of this life (including mental illness) are not forever. God does heal, and He does use people as his instruments. Doctors, counselors, psychiatrists, pastors, friends and family, all of these may be used in different ways to bring about healing, both on this side of the grave, and certainly in the day of resurrection.

Be at peace. Christ is here, in His Very Word and in your very mouth and heart through his holy sacraments. Even if your attitude is that of our friend C-3PO (as is mine often enough), God’s promises remain sure.

In Christ,
-DarkMyRoad

I recently picked up the original Star Wars triology at Goodwill for $4. I love a good deal. So I’m watching the shows I watched when I was growing up. But this time I’m focusing on a different character than normal: C-3PO.

C-3PO could have been suffering from clinical depression. I know, I know. Droids don’t have bio-chemical imbalances or situational disasters that send them down the rabbit who so many of us experience. Duh. But run with me on this.

C-3PO has the miraculous way of always looking at the worst in any situation. “We’re doomed.” “I’m going to regret this.” “Oh he excels at that.” Most of C-3PO’s statements follow along these lines, especially in the first movie (or fourth movie, depending on how you’re counting).

Now from a cinematic point of view, he serves to ask the question and express the fears of the audience. “How are they going to get outta THAT?” It’s a part of what makes his character fun, expecially in contrast to the irrepresively happy R2D2. (I hate R2D2.)

But what really is intriguing is looking at C-3PO as a character. His view, frankly, could be the view of someone clinically depressed. It’s like your brain is hard-wired never to see the future, to dwell on the impossibilities of today, and to only imagine that things will get worse. (Confessional Lutherans, btw, are in general susceptible to this.)

This is how I often feel. It’s certainly how I have felt in my darkest hours. In the midst of the fog, the darkeness, the wet blanket of life, I can’t seem to get out of it. I can’t see past it. Things will collapse. I will never get better. I get mad at myself, I zone, I get angry at my family, lash out at anything and everything, if I have the energy to be angry. Often I just mentally implode, where nothing is moving and I can’t get out of it.

It does remind one of St. Paul’s words from I Corinthians:

This of course is the balance we all seek. Recognizing the trials of this life (including mental illness) are not forever. God does heal, and He does use people as his instruments. Doctors, counselors, psychiatrists, pastors, friends and family, all of these may be used in different ways to bring about healing, both on this side of the grave, and certainly in the day of resurrection.

Be at peace. Christ is here, in His Very Word and in your very mouth and heart through his holy sacraments. Even if your attitude is that of our friend C-3PO (as is mine often enough), God’s promises remain sure.

In Christ,
-DarkMyRoad

I’ve been trying to think about all of the crazy, unhelpful, annoying, or just plain (ahem) depressing things that people have said to me since I’ve been struggling with depression. Here’s a first crack at the list:

• You know God still loves you.
• If you would spend more time outside, you would feel better.
• Have you considered dieting?
• Do you have an unconfessed sins that are weighing you down?
• Things will get better eventually.
• Have you tried acupuncture?
• It’s all in your mind. If you decide to be happy, you will be.

There’s a long list of them, but I’m tired this morning. Can anyone help me out to fill this list in? What are the crazy and unhelpful things people say to you when they find out your depressed?

-DarkMyRoad

I am having a bad day today. I won’t go into why, but everyone has bad days. I can mentally recognize that overall, things are good. My medication is working, counseling goes well, and I am moving along in many other areas, which makes me very happy.

But today stinks.

Now of course, everyone has bad days. Things don’t go right. You’re stressed. You’ve messed up or someone else has messed upon you, whatever. We all have our bad days. This is what we on planet earth call “life”.

But not for the depressed person.

For someone suffering from depression (or it’s kissing cousin, anxiety), bad days aren’t simply bad days. In depression you cannot look past yourself, your problems, and you can’t look into the future. In other words, depression sucks away hope. It can often attack faith itself. Other things may do this as well, but I know depression does it.

So for someone suffering from depression, a bad day becomes an event, with a whole host of questions swirling through one’s head:

• How long will this last?
• What can I do to get out of it?
• Has my medication stopped working?
• What if things go back to the way they were?
• What if I am always like this, slowly turning into a vegetable that has been overcooked.

There may even be darker questions about life and death asked. I’ve been there. It stinks.

So what do you do when these questions won’t go away, when you stay up at night fretting over what may be nothing, but even over things that may be a big deal? This isn’t rocket science, but here are a few ideas:

1. Remind yourself that Tom Cruise is an idiot. That always makes me feel better. Depression exists. It’s a medical condition and not a question of willpower. Sometimes things will be worse than others. But because you’re depressed, you look at these things under a microscope and forget to ever look up. It’s kind of the ultimate incurvatus se (turned in upon oneself).
2. Give yourself a break. Take a nap. Sit in the sun. Go some place quiet for a while. But DON’T beat yourself over the head with it and try to “work through it”. In all liklihood, that will make it worse.
3. Pray and sing. Nothing long or fancy. A kyrie may be all you’ve got. Check out a few cross and comfort hymns.
4. Trust that the God of comfort, who takes care of all things, continues to take care of you, even when you feel like your world is crashing down.
5. If it persists, call your counselor or doctor and/or father confessor. Don’t try and fight it alone. God has given these people to you. They want to hear from you if you need help. There is nothing more satisfying that giving to another person. They are waiting for your call.

Those are the few thoughts off the top of my head. What have I missed?

Now let’s see if I can take my own advice….

-DarkMyRoad

I am having a bad day today. I won’t go into why, but everyone has bad days. I can mentally recognize that overall, things are good. My medication is working, counseling goes well, and I am moving along in many other areas, which makes me very happy.

But today stinks.

Now of course, everyone has bad days. Things don’t go right. You’re stressed. You’ve messed up or someone else has messed upon you, whatever. We all have our bad days. This is what we on planet earth call “life”.

But not for the depressed person.

For someone suffering from depression (or it’s kissing cousin, anxiety), bad days aren’t simply bad days. In depression you cannot look past yourself, your problems, and you can’t look into the future. In other words, depression sucks away hope. It can often attack faith itself. Other things may do this as well, but I know depression does it.

So for someone suffering from depression, a bad day becomes an event, with a whole host of questions swirling through one’s head:

• How long will this last?
• What can I do to get out of it?
• Has my medication stopped working?
• What if things go back to the way they were?
• What if I am always like this, slowly turning into a vegetable that has been overcooked.

There may even be darker questions about life and death asked. I’ve been there. It stinks.

So what do you do when these questions won’t go away, when you stay up at night fretting over what may be nothing, but even over things that may be a big deal? This isn’t rocket science, but here are a few ideas:

1. Remind yourself that Tom Cruise is an idiot. That always makes me feel better. Depression exists. It’s a medical condition and not a question of willpower. Sometimes things will be worse than others. But because you’re depressed, you look at these things under a microscope and forget to ever look up. It’s kind of the ultimate incurvatus se (turned in upon oneself).
2. Give yourself a break. Take a nap. Sit in the sun. Go some place quiet for a while. But DON’T beat yourself over the head with it and try to “work through it”. In all liklihood, that will make it worse.
3. Pray and sing. Nothing long or fancy. A kyrie may be all you’ve got. Check out a few cross and comfort hymns.
4. Trust that the God of comfort, who takes care of all things, continues to take care of you, even when you feel like your world is crashing down.
5. If it persists, call your counselor or doctor and/or father confessor. Don’t try and fight it alone. God has given these people to you. They want to hear from you if you need help. There is nothing more satisfying that giving to another person. They are waiting for your call.

Those are the few thoughts off the top of my head. What have I missed?

Now let’s see if I can take my own advice….

-DarkMyRoad

This morning I shined my shoes before church. Well, techinically I used the cheater’s shoe shine, but that’s not the point. The point is that I shined my shoes.

This may sound like a little event. But pastors are creatures of habit, as we all are. I have dreaded wearing my collar for a while, but slowly and surely, my pastoral habits are coming back.

What does this have to do with ex opere operato? Well, in reference to the Sacraments, this is a terms that Lutherans typically use to deride those silly Roman Catholics who believe that simply participating in the Sacraments, apart from faith, that a good work has been performed and this you gain points for heaven. (Okay, a slightly sarcastic and overly generalistic view. Run with me here, okay?)

Now the Office of the Holy Ministry has a sense of ex opere operato behind it. We confess that the Sacraments of a Lutheran pastor are effective, entirely apart from the faith in his heart. I remember (but can’t hunt down) the quotation where Luther says that he would receive the Sacrament from the devil himself if he were properly called to do so.

Now this is important, friends. This means that whether I’m depressed or anxious, have some neurosis, or a host of other physical, emotional, and even spiritual ailments, that God is still at work through me, preaching His Word and administering His Holy Body and Blood.

The comfort in this is simple. God is at work in you, pastors, and indeed in everyone according to their vocation. Whether they feel like it or not. Whether they even like it or not.

This is huge, my friends. It gives me the freedom to not be afraid I’m a failure. God is at work. And when I can’t preach and administer the Sacraments, God is still at work. It’s His Ministry, not mine. His Words, not mine. His Water, not mine. His Body and Blood, not mine. His Holy Absolution, not mine. He will alwas care for his people. Where I have sinned, I am forgiven. But it is not a sin to be sick. It’s a result of sin.

And the God who makes all things new will see me (and you) through your travails. So I shined my shoes today. Who knows what God will bring next week?

-DarkMyRoad