Out of the Depths
by Darkmyroad on Mar.21, 2008, under anfechtung, anxiety, Disability, faith, mental illness, suicide
Good Friday is really about life for me. Two years ago Good Friday, I was sitting at home, preparing for my minimal role in services. I had been on disability for about 2 months, and things were going fairly well. I got a phone call from the people that handle disability claims at our insurance company. They were just calling to inform me that since I had shown “some” improvement according to my doctor, that they were taking me off disability.
This began a series of events that I can only describe as surreal. I began a downward spiral that brought be to being suicidal. It was a gift from God that we had the divine service that day, for without that, I don’t know what I would have been doing. My pastor stayed with me as much as possible. I was a zombie, barely conscious, yet fully believing that there was no way I could get out of this, no way I could recover from such a blow. If I didn’t have the time and space I needed to heal, then I would only get worse. What was the point?
But God is merciful.
I lived. Somehow our Lord got me through the Great Three Days. After Easter I went to stay with some dear friends for a couple weeks to rest and try to recover some level of sanity and normalcy. Things got better. It took a long time, with setbacks along the way and all kinds of other gunk to go through, but things did get better.
So Good Friday for me is about life. It’s about that life God gives to each one of us. It’s about the Life that was given for my life. It’s about the gift of seeing my children grow up, having friends and family who care deeply for us, and it’s about the ongoing work that our Lord does to keep us in the faith all the days of our lives. No matter how dark the road.
A blessed Good Friday to you.
-DMR
6 Comments for this entry
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disability » Blog Archive » Out of the Depths
March 22nd, 2008 on 5:05 am[...] Read the rest of this great post here [...]
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disability » Blog Archive » Out of the Depths
March 22nd, 2008 on 5:05 am[...] Read the rest of this great post here [...]
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out of the depths
March 5th, 2010 on 2:41 pm[...] of the depths Out of the Depths – I Trust When Dark My RoadOut of the Depths. by Darkmyroad on Mar.21, 2008, under Disability, … I was a zombie, barely [...]
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out of the depths
March 5th, 2010 on 2:41 pm[...] of the depths Out of the Depths – I Trust When Dark My RoadOut of the Depths. by Darkmyroad on Mar.21, 2008, under Disability, … I was a zombie, barely [...]
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This is the site of Pastor Todd Peperkorn, author of the book, I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression. Please join us in the conversation here, receive the Gospel, and find peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. There is hope, even in the darkness.
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March 21st, 2008 on 7:41 pm
Thanks so much for sharing. I have been dealing with occasional depression since the end of September….but reading accounts like this, along with my own spritual journey help me very much.
March 21st, 2008 on 7:41 pm
Thanks so much for sharing. I have been dealing with occasional depression since the end of September….but reading accounts like this, along with my own spritual journey help me very much.
March 24th, 2008 on 7:33 pm
What a blessing you were able to get away and stay with some understanding friends for a time. That may have been a crucial key to your recovery.
For me, Good Friday is the most meaningful day of the year.
March 24th, 2008 on 7:33 pm
What a blessing you were able to get away and stay with some understanding friends for a time. That may have been a crucial key to your recovery.
For me, Good Friday is the most meaningful day of the year.
March 27th, 2008 on 4:21 pm
Isn’t it amazing how God carries us when we cannot take another step? When you see no desire to keep going, he changes your heart so you can endure another day?
He’s incredible.
Love your honesty!
March 27th, 2008 on 4:21 pm
Isn’t it amazing how God carries us when we cannot take another step? When you see no desire to keep going, he changes your heart so you can endure another day?
He’s incredible.
Love your honesty!