Out of the Depths

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Good Friday is really about life for me. Two years ago Good Friday, I was sitting at home, preparing for my minimal role in services. I had been on disability for about 2 months, and things were going fairly well. I got a phone call from the people that handle disability claims at our insurance company. They were just calling to inform me that since I had shown “some” improvement according to my doctor, that they were taking me off disability.

This began a series of events that I can only describe as surreal. I began a downward spiral that brought be to being suicidal. It was a gift from God that we had the divine service that day, for without that, I don’t know what I would have been doing. My pastor stayed with me as much as possible. I was a zombie, barely conscious, yet fully believing that there was no way I could get out of this, no way I could recover from such a blow. If I didn’t have the time and space I needed to heal, then I would only get worse. What was the point?

But God is merciful.

I lived.  Somehow our Lord got me through the Great Three Days.   After Easter I went to stay with some dear friends for a couple weeks to rest and try to recover some level of sanity and normalcy.  Things got better.  It took a long time, with setbacks along the way and all kinds of other gunk to go through, but things did get better.

So Good Friday for me is about life.  It’s about that life God gives to each one of us.  It’s about the Life that was given for my life.   It’s about the gift of seeing my children grow up, having friends and family who care deeply for us, and it’s about the ongoing work that our Lord does to keep us in the faith all the days of our lives.  No matter how dark the road.

A blessed Good Friday to you.

-DMR

11 thoughts on “Out of the Depths”

  1. Thanks so much for sharing. I have been dealing with occasional depression since the end of September….but reading accounts like this, along with my own spritual journey help me very much.

  2. Thanks so much for sharing. I have been dealing with occasional depression since the end of September….but reading accounts like this, along with my own spritual journey help me very much.

  3. What a blessing you were able to get away and stay with some understanding friends for a time. That may have been a crucial key to your recovery.

    For me, Good Friday is the most meaningful day of the year.

  4. What a blessing you were able to get away and stay with some understanding friends for a time. That may have been a crucial key to your recovery.

    For me, Good Friday is the most meaningful day of the year.

  5. Isn’t it amazing how God carries us when we cannot take another step? When you see no desire to keep going, he changes your heart so you can endure another day?
    He’s incredible.
    Love your honesty!

  6. Isn’t it amazing how God carries us when we cannot take another step? When you see no desire to keep going, he changes your heart so you can endure another day?
    He’s incredible.
    Love your honesty!

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  9. i could write so much, but basically i want to share that i was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder at the end of less than two years of ministry. i was back within four months, only to get severly manic. then, in november of 97, i was severly depressed and have never returned to “normal” since. i have been on disability all this time. most of my days i barely make it through. i wonder what god’s plan is for me, ministry or otherwise. i wonder if you have encountered many (any) others who have had such an experience. i have been on every med imaginable and have had many ect treatments. the hardest thing to hear is “it is all up to you. you can do it. try harder.” enough for now. hope to hear from you. peace and love and blessings in jesus! rocky federwitz

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