All posts by Darkmyroad

depression

Losing Weight & Depression

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One of the many things that went in the tank when I got sick three years ago was my general health. There was a time (quite literally!) when my wife and I would run marathons. Okay, so I ran one marathon, but she’s run a bunch. When I got sick, physical health took an absolute back seat to mental health. What that mean is that i ballooned up about 60 pounds, which has caused a host of other problems with my feet, back, etc etc etc.

So now that I’m off of most of my medication, my wife and I decided it is time to begin losing this weight and reclaim another part of our lives.

The way that we have been most successful at eating well has been Weight Watchers. It’s concrete, they set limits and freedoms, and we have had a great deal of success with them over the years.

One of the things that is important about WW is attending the meetings every week. They are somewhat similar in nature to an AA or NA meeting, although I doubt they would ever admit it. So as I was sitting in our meeting this past week, I was struck with the parallels between losing weight and fighting depression. Here are some of the ones that popped into my head:

  1. Triggers. Certain events can serve as triggers for depressive behavior. The key is to A) recognize what they are and B) Develop strategies to either avoid the triggers or how to deal with them in less destructive ways.
  2. Take each day at a time. I know that for myself, I tend to globalize things. If I am having a bad day, it really doesn’t take much for me to convert that into a bad week or month or year. True for food, true for mental health. By looking at each day in itself, it helps one to keep focused, and minimizes the down times. “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
  3. Plan. By acting in a purely reactionary mode, you can easily be caught off guard and get stuck in a worse situation that is really necessary. Recognize your limits and your strengths, and evaluate on that basis.

Those are three off the top of my head. Any others come to mind?

-DMR

anfechtung, anxiety, Disability, faith, mental illness, suicide

Out of the Depths

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grunewald_crucifixion.jpg

Good Friday is really about life for me. Two years ago Good Friday, I was sitting at home, preparing for my minimal role in services. I had been on disability for about 2 months, and things were going fairly well. I got a phone call from the people that handle disability claims at our insurance company. They were just calling to inform me that since I had shown “some” improvement according to my doctor, that they were taking me off disability.

This began a series of events that I can only describe as surreal. I began a downward spiral that brought be to being suicidal. It was a gift from God that we had the divine service that day, for without that, I don’t know what I would have been doing. My pastor stayed with me as much as possible. I was a zombie, barely conscious, yet fully believing that there was no way I could get out of this, no way I could recover from such a blow. If I didn’t have the time and space I needed to heal, then I would only get worse. What was the point?

But God is merciful.

I lived.  Somehow our Lord got me through the Great Three Days.   After Easter I went to stay with some dear friends for a couple weeks to rest and try to recover some level of sanity and normalcy.  Things got better.  It took a long time, with setbacks along the way and all kinds of other gunk to go through, but things did get better.

So Good Friday for me is about life.  It’s about that life God gives to each one of us.  It’s about the Life that was given for my life.   It’s about the gift of seeing my children grow up, having friends and family who care deeply for us, and it’s about the ongoing work that our Lord does to keep us in the faith all the days of our lives.  No matter how dark the road.

A blessed Good Friday to you.

-DMR

depression

How Quickly Things Change

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I’m often amazed at how quickly things can change, for either better or worse. I remember a month ago or so I was seriously sick with the flu bug that has been EVERYWHERE this year. I had been sick for about two weeks. As I was complaining to a friend of my, I said, “This is the worst winter I’ve ever had!”

“Really?,” he said. “You’ve had a pretty bad couple of years here.”

It kind of set me back. I have had a few pretty wretched winters. We’re coming up upon Good Friday here soon. I can remember a couple years ago when things were about as dark as they could be, that I seriously contemplated suicide. Now that is a bad winter.

Things are going well for me. They really are. The problems that I have are blissfully normal. Sick. Kids. Pastoral stuff. Life. It’s good. I’m glad for it. But I never want to forget what it took to get here.

book reviews

Pressed Down but Not Forgotten, A Review (book on depression)

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Pressed Down But Not Forgotten, by H. Curtis Lyon and John Juern

Pressed Down but Not Forgotten

By H. Curtis Lyon and John Juern

Books on depression are a dime a dozen. Books on depression by Lutherans are rare, so rare in fact that this may be the only one I’ve read. So what does it have to offer us?

What’s Good

It has excellent, simple and understandable definitions of the various aspects of depression. It does a good job balancing the situational, biological and spiritual dimensions of the illness. In that respect I would say that the chapters on a clinical look at depression (Chapter 2) and how depression is treated (Chapter 3) are probably the best. These are two areas where most Christians will have little or no understanding.

The book is short. This is very good. Some of the books about depression on my shelf (e.g. The Noonday Demon) are hundreds and hundreds of pages. While the material may be worthwhile, it becomes completely unaccessible because of the morass of words.

One of the authors (Rev. Curt Lyon) is a WELS pastor, and the other (Dr. John Juern) is a WELS layman and clinical psychologist. What this means in this case is that there is a pretty good basic understanding of the Gospel at work, there’s no decision theology or any blatant heresies. There are other problems,, though, which we will get to in a moment.

I also like the use of case studies to understand a given situation or problem associated with depression. While it gets a little old by the end of the book, it is for the most part effective and helpful.

What’s Not So Good

A couple issues with the book stick out. First of all is the ugly and really cheesy graphics. Smiley faces and frowney faces. Blech. Patronizing and silly. Spare me.

The book originally came out in 1996, so almost everything in there about medication is dated. The general concepts are correct, but most people won’t even recognize the names of the medications cited. It needs to be updated.

The real problem with the book, though, is theological. It’s not any kind of heresy or false doctrine. The problem is that the author’s never make the connection between the cross and here-and-now. It is completely asacramental or even anti-sacramental. I have found this tragically common in Wisconsin Synod publications, and this is no exception. While the beauty and comfort of Jesus’ death is held up, how that comes to us now (the Word and holy Sacraments) is never even mentioned in the book. Holy Absolution has no mention, either.

Now this doesn’t surprise me. Most people don’t get that. But it is such a critical thing, especially for someone who is clinically depressed. The sacraments are extra nos, they come from outside of us. My baptismal identity frees me from the shackles of my own pathetic works. I am free, because I am in Christ. This is one of the most comforting things that the depressed can hear, and it is completely absent in the book.

So overall I’d give it about three stars out of five. It has a place on my shelf and is good, but the Lutheran work on this important topic has yet to be written.

-DMR

natural remedies, Pastoral Office, pharmacology

Prozac a fake?

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The big news today is about Prozac. The granddaddy of modern anti-depressants, Prozac has been around in some form or another since 1972. But today a study was released claiming that Prozac is no more effective than a placebo.

I’m sure this will provide lots of ammunition for everyone that thinks drugs are basically evil. Personally, I recognize the two edged sword which is drugs. At the same time, though, amongst pastors it is WAY more likely to be under-medicated or not medicated at all than to be overmedicated.

So I don’t find this announcement as good news at all. I think it will contribute to a lot of people not getting the help they need, whether it be medical or alternative.

Bummer.

-DMR

anxiety, shut-ins

Dread vs. Guilt

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I have posted on the travails of shut-in call a number of times, specifically here, and here. I’m not sure if I’m a bad pastor or what, but I have just never really enjoyed shut-in calls. Really it is more the concept of shut-in calls that bugs me more than the reality of them. I generally like the people whom I visit and commune. I don’t have a problem with them. Really the difficulty lies in the emotional drain which may go along with the visit, as well as the time, etc.

So this morning I was faced with two competing avoidance issues: Continue reading Dread vs. Guilt →

children, mental illness

Mental Retardation and Mental Illness: Who are we?

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Yesterday I went to the local gym/family center type place with my wife and the kids. There isn’t anything really unusual about that, except the fact that I couldn’t have done it a year ago. But what struck me this time was that there was a group of mentally retarded young people (teens and twenties) there at the same time.Like most people, I am basically afraid of the mentally retarded. I see them, and while I may sympathize with them on a theoretical level, the absolute last thing I want is to interact with them. They are loud (or quiet), they say and behave in unpredictable ways (like children), and they look strange (like most of us in one way or another).

What was different this time was that one young man had his fingers stuck in his ears the whole time. he walked around the pool, looking, obviously uncomfortable or even afraid of the noise that went on around him. I am no expert, but I believe that one of the many common traits that often go with various forms of mental retardation is difficulty processing sights and sounds.

But this time I knew how he felt. Continue reading Mental Retardation and Mental Illness: Who are we? →

suicide

Suicide up among those in midlife

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The NY Times just posted an article about the rather dramatic rise in suicide rates among those 45-54 years old.  It went up 20 percent in men and 31 percent in women in that age group.

Suicide is an ongoing problem in our culture.  We live in a world where the expectation of a perfect life is almost assumed.  On top of that, the increase of medications and other factors has made suicide rates almost epidemic in the United States.

How is a Christian to handle this?  Well, for starters, we do understand that suicide is a sin (5th commandment), but it is only a sin.  Jesus died for even that.  The notion of categorically condemning anyone who commits suicide is simple not in keeping with the Gospel.   Obviously some may commit suicide as the end of despair over the faith.  Others may do so because the pain becomes overwhelming.  For many, we never know the reasons for suicide.

I am saddened to hear of this trend, and will have to spend some time thinking about it.  Why the rise in this age group?  What has changed over the last decade in the United States that would warrant such a change?

God be merciful to us, as we remember those who have taken their own lives.  I have considered the same in dark hours of the night.  But God is merciful, and has spared me from that fate.  May it be so for one and all.

-DMR

anxiety, pharmacology, stress

One Down, Two to Go, and Panera

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I’ve been off clonazepam for a week now, and things seem to be going pretty well. It seemed to help me in the past with stressful situations, excessive noise, and either visual or verbal clutter. After a week, I seem to be able to manage these things fairly well.

One of the signs for me that things were starting to resemble normalcy was Panera. I love Panera. Half of my sermons are written at Panera. But that has not been the case for some time. I just haven’t been able to handle the hustle and bustle one finds there. It’s really kinda driven me crazy.

So Monday I went to Panera, and after being there 45 minutes, I noticed that I wasn’t having the huge desire to run and hide. I know, that sounds a little silly, but it’s true. Sometimes victories may be found in very small things. Being able to drink a cup of coffee in peace, for example.

Hopefully getting of Welbutrin will go s smoothly. But we’ll try one step at a time for now…

-DMR

book reviews, children, S.A.D.

The Snow Queen

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As I was digging around online today, musing on the level of winter weather we’ve had this year, I ran across an article on Hans Christian Anderson’s classic fairy tale, The Snow Queen.

The author of the article uses the fairy tale of the Snow Queen as a metaphor for depression. I won’t recount the story, but it is a very interesting interpretation.

It’s a great article. I often am intrigued by how regular themes of depression and anxiety appear in literature, even children’s literature.

Can any of the readers here think of any other fairy tales that may apply?

-DMR