If you are a reader here that has a blog or other web site that may be of interest to other readers, please reply in the comment line to this post and I’ll add you to my blogroll.  I’m slowly working on a facelife here.

Thanks!

-DMR

If you are a reader here that has a blog or other web site that may be of interest to other readers, please reply in the comment line to this post and I’ll add you to my blogroll.  I’m slowly working on a facelife here.

Thanks!

-DMR

I am considering writing a book on pastors and depression (other volumes may follow). What would you want to see in such a book and why?

This is a project I’m very excited about (if someone on all the drugs I’m on can be excited). I want this to be a place of hope for pastors, as well as a resource for families, congregations, and the like. Those are my thoughts right now at least. What do you think?

-DMR

I am interested in creating a more comprehensive links section for this blog. I’ve just slowly been adding links to people who have either posted consistently or have linked to us consistently. But I would be interested in your thoughts. There are lots of “Lutheran Blogs” links out there, and that doesn’t need to be repeated. So what links would be useful? I’m thinking:

The Theology of the Cross
The actual sites for LCMS Concordia Plans, etc.
Reputable sites on mental illness and depression

Anything else?

-DMR

William Styron, Pulizer Prize winning journalist and author, died yesterday. You may find out more about him at Wiki HERE.

As I was perusing some of these items (pointed out to me by a read), I came across an intriguing post from him on depression. Here it is:

The madness of depression is the antithesis of violence. It is a storm indeed, but a storm of murk. Soon evident are the slowed-down responses, near paralysis, psychic energy throttled back close to zero. Ultimately, the body is affected and feels sapped, drained. -William Styron

I don’t know if Styron was a Christian. From the bio it looks like he was raised Episcopalian. So who knows. But I find his definition of “the madness of depression” to be dead on target. It is the craziest kind of madness. A madness of mush. Like slogging through a swamp, you can’t see the end, and it feels like your energy is running out of your toes into nothingness.

Now what I find the most interesting is his connection between the mental and the physical. Most people consider depression to be mental illness, and that means it’s all in your head, and your body isn’t affected. SNAP OUT OF IT is a common gut reaction. Depression can be confused with laziness, lack of motivation, apathy, etc. But it is not so.

If you do a quick body-check, you’ll find that you head is connected to the rest of your body. In fact, your brain runs your entire body and how everything work, just as your heart pumps blood through to get oxygen to all of your cells (some smark aleck biologist can correct me here if I’m wrong).

The neurotransmitters in your brain run everything in your body basically. So when those neurotransmitters get messed up (that’s pastor language for some medical term), then your whole body is out of whack. It often shows up as a complete draining of energy. It may come out in other illnesses, headaches, muscle problems, back problems, you name it. You body will do whatever it can to tell you THIS IS NOT RIGHT.

Now as Christians this should come as no surprise to us. After all, we believe in the resurrection of the body, as we confess in the Creed. Body and soul are bound together. Jesus didn’t come to save our minds, he came to save all of us. Mind, body, soul, the whole thing. This is part of why you see so many healings and resurrection accounts in the Gospels. This is what we celebrated on All Saints Day yesterday (or in some fashion All Souls Day today for you Romanists). Jesus comes into our lives to heal us, body and soul together.

This healing which Jesus brings comes through His Word and Spirit (Word and Sacraments if you prefer). The final healing and perfection of our bodies and souls will not be realized until the Last Day. Until that Last Day our Lord uses many instruments to do His holy work of taking care of us. Doctors, nurses, therapists, husbands and wives, and the like. But he also may use all kinds of things from His creation. Yes even drugs, natural or homeopathic remedies, all kinds of things. Even sunlight (truly a balm for the depressed).

So we say thank you to Mr. Styron for his insight into this suffering of depression, and hope that we will see him again at the Last Day.

-DMR

Well, by God’s grace I think we have finally found the right medication cocktail. The last couple weeks I’ve had a burst of energy that finally caught up with me, so that now I have a cold. But it’s okay. I have a mental stability that I haven’t had for more than a year, and even though it is a delicate hold, it feels like it is getting to be a firmer grip every day.

So what I have found is that I am making a mental checklist of all the things I need to do in order to prepare for re-entry into the regular pastoral office. Kind of like an airplane checklist before takeoff, there are certain things that I want/need to get done in order to come back and feel like I have a solid footing on things.

Most of the things on my current checklist are household chores. Cleaning, organizing, a little building (odd, because that it totally contrary to my nature), working on finances, etc. It’s kind of a project of finishing unfinished business, so that I can start anew.

My counselor tell me this is normal and healthy, and is a sign of new life and energy. That’s good. I really do feel much better, cold notwithstanding. But there are some dangers involved with this process.

• The first and most obvious danger is doing too much too quickly. I haven’t had any energy for so long, that to have energy is, well, dangerous. I want to do everything NOW. I’m not always a patient person, so it is tough for me to manage my time so that I am not overdoing it. That’s at least part of what got me here in the first place.

• Another danger is creating mental roadblocks to certain things that are difficult. It is very difficult, for example, for me to greet everyone after church. Much harder than doing the service. So I have to sort of retrain my mind to know that I am fine, I can do this, and that I love my congregation. It sounds silly, I know. The mind is a powerful thing, one of God’s greatest gifts, and if your mind convinces you that you can’t do certain things, or that you are afraid of certain things, then you are. There has to be some process of desensitization. I’ll chat more on that in another post.

• Finally, there is a spiritual danger. It is the danger of either pride (I have gotten through this, now I can do anything), or despair (I may feel good now, but I just KNOW all of this is coming back, sooner or later). Pride and despair in many ways are two sides of the same coin. They are both ways of deny God as our loving creator who gives us all things in Christ. Satan uses them both to his advantage, and we gladly let him do so. The antidote to both, spiritually speaking, is repentance and faith. Recognize these within you for what they are, confess them to your pastor, and God will forgive your sins for Jesus’ sake. It is the only way of battling these sins (or great shame and vice, as the catechism puts it).

So these are my thoughts for the morning. I hope they are useful to you, just as you have all helped me on the dark road. I’ll be back again soon.

-DMR

The downs and ups are more frequent now, rather than just weeks of down and a few glimmers of sunshine. How do you know when you’re going to have a difficult day? What are the signs? Here are some of mine:

• I feel like a zombie.
• I don’t want to see or talk to other people.
• I don’t want to move.
• I don’t want to be in sunlight.
• I want to curl up into a ball and just make the world go away.
• I want to buy things to make me feel better. (they don’t, or at least not for very long)
• It seems like the world is moving in slow motion, or at least like I am in relation to the world.
• I find that I really don’t care about anyone or anything. It is very difficult for me even to be civil to my family, far less a loving husband and father (and pastor).
• I can’t see past the day. The future (which is always bright in Christ Jesus our Lord), fades away to nothing, so that all I can see is the darkness ahead.

It’s not a pretty picture, I know. I think most people suffering from depression and/or anxiety have these feelings and desires (or others) with them most of the time. They are, uh, manageable when it is one or two. But when it is most of them or all of them, that’s when it becomes very difficult, even painful.

What do you do? Here are a few tips, and it really depends on where you are in your medical journey, among other things:

• Wait it out. Even in the midst of the darkness now, because the light is more frequent, I can cling to that candle and hope and pray that tomorrow will be better. Maybe even this afternoon. If the episodes are hours at a time or a day or an evening, that is much more tolerable.
• Talk to you counselor. Email them. Whatever you do. (Have I mentioned getting a counselor is a very good idea? IT IS!) They want to help you. Let them.
• Call your pastor (or friend, or whomever) and ask him to pray for you, and may be ask him to suggest a few psalms or prayers that you may benefit from.
• If it lasts more than a day, if this is droning on and on and on, go to your doctor. Don’t wait. Don’t play around. Do it. It may be a question of medication, or the “cocktail” you’re taking. If it isn’t working, try something else.
• Embrace it in a way that isn’t self-destructive or will contribute to your further downfall. Watch movies. Go outside if you can. Indulge in some chocolate (but be easy on the caffeine). Give yourself permission to kick back and not beat yourself up. You can’t control the neurotransmitters in your brain.
• Write down what the signs are and give them to others who need help.

Those are a few thoughts for the day. What have I missed?

-DMR

The downs and ups are more frequent now, rather than just weeks of down and a few glimmers of sunshine. How do you know when you’re going to have a difficult day? What are the signs? Here are some of mine:

• I feel like a zombie.
• I don’t want to see or talk to other people.
• I don’t want to move.
• I don’t want to be in sunlight.
• I want to curl up into a ball and just make the world go away.
• I want to buy things to make me feel better. (they don’t, or at least not for very long)
• It seems like the world is moving in slow motion, or at least like I am in relation to the world.
• I find that I really don’t care about anyone or anything. It is very difficult for me even to be civil to my family, far less a loving husband and father (and pastor).
• I can’t see past the day. The future (which is always bright in Christ Jesus our Lord), fades away to nothing, so that all I can see is the darkness ahead.

It’s not a pretty picture, I know. I think most people suffering from depression and/or anxiety have these feelings and desires (or others) with them most of the time. They are, uh, manageable when it is one or two. But when it is most of them or all of them, that’s when it becomes very difficult, even painful.

What do you do? Here are a few tips, and it really depends on where you are in your medical journey, among other things:

• Wait it out. Even in the midst of the darkness now, because the light is more frequent, I can cling to that candle and hope and pray that tomorrow will be better. Maybe even this afternoon. If the episodes are hours at a time or a day or an evening, that is much more tolerable.
• Talk to you counselor. Email them. Whatever you do. (Have I mentioned getting a counselor is a very good idea? IT IS!) They want to help you. Let them.
• Call your pastor (or friend, or whomever) and ask him to pray for you, and may be ask him to suggest a few psalms or prayers that you may benefit from.
• If it lasts more than a day, if this is droning on and on and on, go to your doctor. Don’t wait. Don’t play around. Do it. It may be a question of medication, or the “cocktail” you’re taking. If it isn’t working, try something else.
• Embrace it in a way that isn’t self-destructive or will contribute to your further downfall. Watch movies. Go outside if you can. Indulge in some chocolate (but be easy on the caffeine). Give yourself permission to kick back and not beat yourself up. You can’t control the neurotransmitters in your brain.
• Write down what the signs are and give them to others who need help.

Those are a few thoughts for the day. What have I missed?

-DMR