I Trust When Dark My Road

Friends,

As many of you know, the book has gone extremely well thus far.  So well, in fact, that they are already out of print!  We were able to offer them at no charge thanks to the generosity of LCMS World Relief & Human Care.

This brings me to my plea.  Every box or book that went out included a donation envelope.  They are currently trying to figure out how to do a second printing, but I expect it will come down in part to dollars and cents.

If you received a copy of the book and found it of benefit, I would ask you to consider making a donation to LCMS World Relief.  You can send it and ask if they would consider reprinting it.  I know that everyone want to do so, but finances are tight everywhere right now.  Obviously I am biased, but I believe that a copy of this book ought to be sent to every pastor in the LCMS, or at least every circuit counselor.  But to do this will cost several thousand dollars.

I’ll keep you all informed as I learn more.  Thanks again to the good people at LCMS World Relief and Human Care for making this resource available!

-Pastor Todd Peperkorn

I really enjoyed doing a three part interview on Issues, Etc., last week. Here are the links to the interviews!

I really enjoyed doing a three part interview on Issues, Etc., last week. Here are the links to the interviews!

Below you will find a link to an article that indicates anti-depressant use has doubled in the US:

Reuters AlertNet – Antidepressant use doubles in US, study finds

Here’s the quotation I found most interesting:

“The survey did not look at why, but the researchers made some educated guesses. It may be more socially acceptable to be diagnosed with and treated for depression, they said. The availability of new drugs may also have been a factor.”

What do you think? How taboo is it to be diagnosed with depression? Is it more or less so if you are a pastor or some other type of church worker?

Know Thyself is one of my favorite reads. The pastor is insightful, honest, and grapples with many of the tough subjects of ministry that we have tried to wrestle with here. Here’s one of his quotes about the book:

New Resource and Other Thoughts About Pastors As Human Beings « Know Thyself: “Pastors are people too. I can’t say it enough. We hurt when church members die. We ache when people reject the faith to our face. We feel helpless when we teach and teach and teach but no one seems to heed the teaching. We rejoice when great things happen to our people. We rejoice when people yearn for the Gifts of the Gospel. We bask in the joy of baptisms, confirmations, and weddings. It’s not just a job. It’s being a grafted in member of a family.”

I urge you to go and check out his whole post.

-DMR

Know Thyself is one of my favorite reads. The pastor is insightful, honest, and grapples with many of the tough subjects of ministry that we have tried to wrestle with here. Here’s one of his quotes about the book:

New Resource and Other Thoughts About Pastors As Human Beings « Know Thyself: “Pastors are people too. I can’t say it enough. We hurt when church members die. We ache when people reject the faith to our face. We feel helpless when we teach and teach and teach but no one seems to heed the teaching. We rejoice when great things happen to our people. We rejoice when people yearn for the Gifts of the Gospel. We bask in the joy of baptisms, confirmations, and weddings. It’s not just a job. It’s being a grafted in member of a family.”

I urge you to go and check out his whole post.

-DMR

I’ve had a lot of conversations this week with the release of the book. They have been online, telephone, email, wherever. The contacts have been from pastors, teachers, spouses, friends from college, and pretty much across the board. I’ll comment on some of those at another time.

One theme that resonates through so many of the conversations is that pastors don’t want to reveal that they are depressed. This is also true generally, and especially in other service fields. But it seems particularly true with pastors. They mask their illness.

I know I did. I worked my tail off to put on a happy face, a “game face” with my congregation and family. It took incredible amounts of energy, and really made things worse.

But if possible what is even sadder than our self-inflicted super-pastor mindset, is that we are afraid of reprisals. I am afraid that I might lose my job, be kicked out of my congregation, that my district president won’t support me. So the very people who can and should and generally would try to help, are the ones who are kept in the dark.

Why? Why do we hide? And what will happen if we reveal to our families (Who probably already know), our congregation, and our brother pastors what is going on?

-DMR
aka Todd Peperkorn

The wait is finally over!

Nearly three years after I began the process of writing this book, it is now available for free download. The free print version will be available sometime in mid-late July. It is at the printer as we speak.

I would urge you to go to the website listed below and order as many copies as they will let you or as many as you need. then download the book and start to get a sense of it. I am very excited and anxious to hear your thoughts on this, and I pray it will serve as a blessing to the Church.

I would especially like to thank Maggie Karner, Al Dobnia, Sarah M. Shafer, Philip Hendricksen, and the entire staff at LCMS World Relief and Human Care for their kindness and work in helping this project come to fruition. They are a wonderful group of people!

So check it out and let me know what you think.

In Christ
Pastor Todd Peperkorn
Author
I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression

To request your complimentary copy,
call 800-248-1930, ext. 1380,
or CLICK HERE TO ORDER ONLINE.

In the last few years I have had the opportunity to speak or correspond with many people who struggle with depression or other mental illnesses. Pastors, teachers, DCEs, laity, each story is different, yet there are common themes.

One of those themes is how often the church, either at the congregational level or at the district/synod level, has failed these people. In all too many cases, their faith has been shaken to the point of disappearing. Now I don’t believe that there is any malice on the part of congregations or our church body. Far from it. But the sad reality is that we are driving people away from Christ by how we approach the mentally ill.

Why?

I have several theories about this. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Because we so often equate clinical depression (or any mental illness) with some sort of character flaw, it is viewed basically as a sin. I think people instinctively know that this isn’t quite right, but they don’t have any other categories in which to place mental illness.

2. Everyone has weaknesses, and we work very hard to hide them. For many, depression unmasked is too close to home. It forces us to view our own struggles and failings, and that may just be too painful.

3. If we view the church as a place for the spiritually strong to work out, and not a hospital for the sick, then the mentally ill have no place.

4. The fundamental notion of “depression is in your head, get over it!” is so strong that we can’t help but judge others whose weaknesses are in public view.

5. Lutherans just aren’t very good at areas which aren’t “spiritual” in nature. If it isn’t about justification, then we just don’t get it. Hence, we try to place depression and mental illness simply into the “spiritual” box, and it doesn’t fit there.

Those are off the top of my head. What’s on your list?

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness, by Kathryn Greene-McCreight

This is a book I am currently reading. It is written by an Episcopalian priest. Consider this your theological disclaimer. I’m certain that there are elements to the book that don’t fit a nice little Lutheran orthodox niche.

Having said that, I have found it about the best book on mental illness from a Christian perspective I have read thus far. She seems to have a pretty firm grasp of the theology of the cross and suffering, doesn’t gloss over the ugly parts, and finds hope in the resurrection.

Her lens through which she views mental illness is bipolar disorder. This is a very different beast than my own sickness, major clinical depression. This illness at different times has been called manic depressive, and many other titles which I won’t try to list. While clinical depression has lows and more lows, bipolar disorder is basically a roller coaster of ecstasy and despondency, bouncing from the two in a way which is nigh impossible to fathom for the outsider.

Here are a couple paragraphs from Greene-McCreight which I found poignant and insightful:

So, during mania, I felt completely different from the way I did at the depressive pole. Mania doesn’t hurt the way depression does. Depression meant that every breath, every thought, every moment of consciousness hurt. Every particle of my consciousness ached, throbbed, stung. Mania was the opposite: every breath, every movement, every image before my eyes, every thought sparkled, glittered magically, filled me with ecstasy. Centrifugal motion, bliss.

At this point, thanks to the medicine, I am not filled with ecstasy. Neither am I in agony. I just want to end my existence. I am tired-not physically,, no, because the medicine is working. HEaven forbid I should be physically tired. Leave it to American medicine to make a drug that provides productivity even during depressive episodes. But I am tired of existed inside of myself, I don’t want to be inside my own skin, am tired of feeling and talking and figuring out why I feel this way and that way, tired of putting off the inevitable, that I should return to the earth from which the muddy Adam was shaped. (p. 55)

Obviously this is not the portrait of a shiny, happy, victorious Christian. This is the picture of the sufferer, who struggles with the medication which continues existence and yet hates the existence it gives. I personally find it refreshing. I just get so sick of fake, infused happiness and joy. This false happiness isn’t as prevalent in Christianity now as it was ten years ago, but it is still very much there.

As I wrap up the book, I’ll try and offer a few more citations that will be of benefit, particularly looking at where we put our trust, and the interaction between medication, faith and therapy.

-DMR