So I’m back after an INSANE couple months. So what shall we talk about? Any suggestions?

-DMR

Through a series of peculiar events, I am serving as a delegate to the 2010 LCMS Convention in Houston, Texas.  You may follow my general thoughts about it here.  One event today kind of served as a trigger for me that I thought would be worth reflection upon here.

Since my illness, I have been less comfortable around large crowds, loud noises, and kind of close in, packed situations.  Tonight I had opportunity to go to an awesome baseball game where the Cardinals whooped the Astros 8-0.  (GO CARDS!)  The game was good.  It was fun.  I love baseball and so much about it and the culture which surrounds it.  But at the end of the game when we were getting up to leave, the people around us looked at us funny.  I couldn’t figure out why no one was getting up.  The game was over, and the home team got trounced.  Don’t these people ever leave?

It turns out that this Friday they were have a fireworks display after the game.

Now those of you who have been reading this for a while might remember that fireworks are one of those triggers for me.  You can read more about it here.  So when I heard that they were having fireworks, it was as if 15000 people all sorta crowded in around me asking, “So, Todd, are you going to stay?”  I kinda freaked out, and left rather abruptly.

I’m fine.  Just so we’re clear.

This little mini-event reminded me of how certain things can serve as triggers.  Sights, sounds, smells.  There are some things that I haven’t been able to really enjoy since I was on disability, because I associate them with my illness.  Golf and woodworking both come to mind.

I think all of us have these events or things that trigger certain memories or feelings.  What are yours?  How do you address them?  Do they derail you, or is it just a passing feeling that improves over time?

A part of what helps me in these situations is being able to externalize them.  If I can recognize what is going on, that allows me to maintain a modicum of control and perspective on the whole matter.  For those of you who are into E.Q. type stuff, this would fall under self-awareness.  This process has allowed me to move forward through such events and not allow them to paralyze me.

What think ye?  Is this common or a peculiar Peperkornism?

-DMR

I recently had the opportunity to speak at the Concordia Deaconess Conference on the topic of depression and how to care for those suffering from mental illnesses of various types.  Below is the reading list I prepared for this wonderful group of ladies.  If I have missed anything that you might consider important, please let me know!  I’d love to revise and update it along the way here.  Thanks!  -DMR

Bibliography for Deaconess Conf

Recommended Reading List on Depression

On Depression

Greene-McCreight, Kathryn. Darkness is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness. Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2006.

Hart, Archibald D. Unmasking Male Depression. Thomas Nelson, 2001.

Karp, David A. Speaking of Sadness: Depression, Disconnection, and the Meanings of Illness. Oxford University Press, USA, 1997.

Peperkorn, Todd A.  I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression. St. Louis: LCMS World Relief and Human Care, 2009.

Rogers, Matt. Losing God: Clinging to Faith Through Doubt and Depression. IVP Books, 2008.

Solomon, Andrew. The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression. Scribner, 2002.

Stryker, William.  Visible Darkness: A Memoir of Madness.  New York: Random House, 1990.

For the Families of Loved Ones

Karp, David A. The Burden of Sympathy: How Families Cope With Mental Illness. New York: Oxford University Press, USA, 2002.

On the Theology of the Cross

Floysvik, Ingvar. When God Becomes My Enemy: The Theology of the Complaint Psalms. Concordia College, 1997.

Forde, Gerhard O., and Martin Luther. On Being a Theologian of the Cross: Reflections on Luther’s Heidelberg Disputation, 1518 (Theology). Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1997.

Lewis, C.S.  A Grief Observed.  San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1961, 2001.

Schulz, Gregory.  The Problem of Suffering: A Father’s Thoughts on the Suffering, Dead, and Life of His Children.  Milwaukee: Northwestern Publishing House, 1996.

On Pastoral Care

Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Spiritual Care. Augsburg Fortress Publishers, 1985.

Eyer, Richard C. Pastoral Care Under the Cross: God in the Midst of Suffering. Concordia Publishing House, 1995.

Eyer, Richard C. They Will See His Face: Worship and Healing. Concordia Publishing House, 2002.

Kleinig, John W. Grace Upon Grace: Spirituality for Today. Concordia Publishing House, 2008.

On Pastoral Burnout

Hoge, Dean R., and Jacqueline E. Wenger. Pastors in Transition: Why Clergy Leave Local Church Ministry (Pulpit and Pew Series). Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2005.

Preus, Robert D. “Clergy Mental Health and the Doctrine of Justification.” Concordia Theological Quarterly 48, no. 2 & 3 (1984): 113-23.

Prayer and Devotional Works

Bansemer, Richard. Forced to Pray: God’s Chosen Under Pressure. New York: American Lutheran Publicity Bureau, 2008.

Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Psalms: The Prayer Book of the Bible. Augsburg Fortress Publishers, 1974.

Burke, William.  Protect Us From All Anxiety: Meditations for the Depressed.  Chicago: ACTA Publications, 1998.

Deffner, Donald L. Prayers for People Under Pressure. Milwaukee: Northwestern Publishing House, 1992.

Gerhard, Johann. Meditations on Divine Mercy: A Classic Treasury of Devotional Prayers. Concordia Publishing House, 2003.

Kinnamon, Scot, ed.  Treasury of Daily Prayer.  St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 2008.

Lewis, C.S. Reflections on the Psalms (Harvest Book). Harvest Books, 1964.

Luther, Martin. Reading the Psalms with Luther. Concordia Publishing House, 2007.

Lutheran Book of Prayer. Rev. ed. Saint Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 2005.

Lutheran Service Book. St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 2006.

Reardon, Patrick Henry. Christ in the Psalms. Conciliar Press, 2000.

Steinmann, Andrew E. Is God Listening: Making Prayer A Part of Your Life. Concordia Publishing House, 2004.

Below is a PDF file of the slideshow from the Deaconess Conference, as well as a QuickTime movie of the same.  I have not posted the actual slideshow file, since I will probably use portions of it in the future.  If for some reason you would like access to the actual Keynote or PowerPoint file, please contact me via email or telephone. Thanks! -DMR

Presentation on Depression for CDC

Presentation of Slides in QuickTime for CDC

This coming week I will be speaking to the Concordia Deaconess Conference about the topic of depression and mental illness.  I’ll have about four hours with these fine ladies, and I am really looking forward to the opportunity.

My plan right now is to divide the presentation into two parts.  The first part will be on living with depression.  This section will be an overview of the book, and trying to provide some insight into the mind of the depressed and/or mentally ill.  The second part will be on how to serve those who suffer with depression and/or mental illnesses of various types, and how to serve their families.

So my question for you today is this: if you had this opportunity, what would you want to teach about and why?  How do you see the role of deaconesses and others in your congregations when it comes to serving those in need, especially with mental illnesses?  Do they have a place?  What is the place?  Are they better suited to serve the family, or the person directly?  I have my own ideas on these subjects, but I would love to hear yours as well.

-DMR

We recently bought a dog.  He is a Bernese Mountain Dog.  His name is Sebastian Augustus:

Yes, he’s crazy cute.  Yes, we have an over-the-top approach to names.  Ask our children about that when they’re adults!  And yes, he will be a lot of work, cost money, etc., etc., etc.  I know.  Believe me I know.  We got him because we’ve always wanted a dog, because the kids wanted a dog, and because the timing and the price was right.

I have to admit, however, that I was a little taken aback by one of the side benefits of getting a dog.  I’ve read elsewhere that having an animal call help with depression.  Perhaps you’ve heard of service animals, that go into nursing homes or hospitals to help cheer up the sick.  I am beginning to wonder if we shouldn’t create a category of service animals for the clinically depressed.

What I have found thus far is that owning an animal has filled a niche that I didn’t know existed.  A dog just wants to be with you, loves unconditionally, and (despite some occasional poop) is generally pretty easy to care for.  I expect that will change somewhat as he gets bigger.  But right now, I’m enjoying things for what they are.  He’s helped me exercise, spend less time on the computer (always a good thing in my case), and has really lifted my mood in a very different way than all of my usual tricks.

So am I crazy?  How has your animal helped you?  How might this fit into a treatment plan for helping the clinically depressed?

-DMR

Chaplain’s death at Valpo ruled a suicide

My heart goes out to the students and community at Valparaiso University right now. Here’s the opening paragraph from the above article:

Pastor Darlene Grega, a chaplain at Valparaiso University, apparently died from suicide this week, according to a spokeswoman for the coroner’s office in Porter County, Ind.

I have written and posted about pastors and suicide any number of times around here. I myself had a pretty harrowing Good Friday four years ago when I moved from the if to the when stage. Suicide is the unspoken companion for anyone who suffers from depression, especially chronic depression. It is the silent partner, the knock at the door, and the shadow that seems to darken everything.

I doubt we’ll ever know the demons that Darlene fought as she tried to serve the people of Valpo. I never met her, so I have no personal take on that. But suffice it to say that God does not abandon His children in their darkest hour.

Here is a sermon I preached at a suicide about five years ago.

God’s peace be with all those who grieve at Darlene’s death. May yours tears come to an end and the hope of the resurrection draw you into Him.

+God be with you+
DMR

[Full disclaimer: I am opposed to women's ordination. That does not mitigate the tragedy of this event, and now is NOT the time to have that discussion.]

Friends,

So I’ve done 13 trial episodes of a podcast on depression and faith. You can check them out HERE or go back and look at past posts of DMR.

I am now at a crossroads of needing to decide whether this is worth the time and effort etc. to make this happen.

I don’t have any really good way to get a sense of how many people are listening to this program. So I need your opinion. Do you listen to this, would you listen to it, and do you have any other suggestions on what would be helpful?

The podcast is about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes long. I haven’t solicited radio placement for it anywhere, although if there’s interest I may explore Pirate Christian Radio a little more.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments or email me directly. Thanks very much.

-DMR

If Narky, Feed Profusely

Read this site. I think you’ll like it.

-DMR

When I start to go down the rabbit hole into the darkness, what really makes me crazy is my own apparent need to play amateur doctor. I go through this crazy process of navel gazing, where each element, each feeling, each real or imagined failure is put under the microscope of my mind.

My mind does not have very good bedside manners. My mind cuts me no slack, gives me no room for reasonableness. There are no explanations to my mind that really matter. Sometimes I think my mind IS the sickness. My mind IS the Law, always pointing the finger, always accusing, always driving me into the depth of guilt and despair.

• It doesn’t matter that it’s Lent.
• It doesn’t matter that my grandmother died two weeks ago and that I missed a week of work.
• It doesn’t matter that Good Friday is the absolute worst day of the year for me emotionally, as it is the anniversary of my real trip down the road of despair and death four years ago.
• It doesn’t matter that I have four kids who love me, and who want nothing more than to crawl inside my skin. That level of closeness is occasionally a little hard to take.
• It doesn’t matter that our school is moving, finances are tough at church and home, and that each bit of that creates one more level of pressure on my already weakened mind.

What my mind tells me is that every single time something doesn’t go right, every single time when I fail to love as I ought or serve as I ought, that every single time I lose my temper or act like a jerk, that this is just one more sign that I am not worthy to be in the Office, or in my marriage, or really on planet earth at all.
And of course, as far as it goes, my mind is right.

But.

My mind forgets the Gospel. My mind forgets that God loves me, that His Son died for me, and that I am baptized. My mind forgets that my identity is not shaped by my failures, or my illness, but by Jesus.

I need to stop listening to my mind and start listening to Jesus. I like His Words a lot better than my own.

-DMR