Someday, I would like to find a Lutheran book dealing with pastoral care for the ‘sinned against’ and the traumatized beyond the LAW of FORGIVE!

To forgive is true and needed – I do not want to deny that, but I’m wondering if the lamenting similar to the psalms is needed before forgiveness comes. Perhaps sometimes it takes time to forgive from the heart. I’m thinking of a comment by C.S. Lewis saying he had finally forgiven someone after 30 years. That kind of forgiveness is often a gift from God. Also the horror of an event can haunt some for a lifetime.

I think a lot of damage can be done by putting a guilt-trip on someone who wants to forgive and cannot find it coming from the heart (too numb to feel, or still an anger that will not go away). Or by trying to coerce someone to forgive – too soon. Or by trying to pick through their lives for all kinds of real and imagined sins in their pasts? All the emphasis is put on the sinned against to repent and forgive and look at themselves – it’s almost like a denial of the evil that happened. It can sometimes cause some to turn away from the church and/or God. Perhaps solid teaching on the laments and not expecting the joy at the end of psalm to come quickly? (eg: you have 5 minutes to get over it, forgive, and move on?) And what else?

The theology-of-the-cross can be used to bludgeon a sufferer, so I’m thinking there needs to be some wisdom that has either been forgotten or not thought through?

Thanks for asking for input!

Someday, I would like to find a Lutheran book dealing with pastoral care for the ‘sinned against’ and the traumatized beyond the LAW of FORGIVE!

To forgive is true and needed – I do not want to deny that, but I’m wondering if the lamenting similar to the psalms is needed before forgiveness comes. Perhaps sometimes it takes time to forgive from the heart. I’m thinking of a comment by C.S. Lewis saying he had finally forgiven someone after 30 years. That kind of forgiveness is often a gift from God. Also the horror of an event can haunt some for a lifetime.

I think a lot of damage can be done by putting a guilt-trip on someone who wants to forgive and cannot find it coming from the heart (too numb to feel, or still an anger that will not go away). Or by trying to coerce someone to forgive – too soon. Or by trying to pick through their lives for all kinds of real and imagined sins in their pasts? All the emphasis is put on the sinned against to repent and forgive and look at themselves – it’s almost like a denial of the evil that happened. It can sometimes cause some to turn away from the church and/or God. Perhaps solid teaching on the laments and not expecting the joy at the end of psalm to come quickly? (eg: you have 5 minutes to get over it, forgive, and move on?) And what else?

The theology-of-the-cross can be used to bludgeon a sufferer, so I’m thinking there needs to be some wisdom that has either been forgotten or not thought through?

Thanks for asking for input!

‘a layman’s look at medications’ and other options

counseling and the difference between that and the care a pastor/father confessor provides…

not being afraid to ask for help

navigating the insurance and disability system

cutting back on responsibilities

how to relate to your congregation during this time

family issues

taking care of yourself

creating a sense of balance in life

fulfilling your vocations/marriage and family issues

relying on God’s mercy…

You’ve covered some very challenging topics in this blog in a very straightforward way. I think you’ve got a good base of material