“They heard the Lord God walking in the garden the cool of the day and they hid themselves among the trees of the garden.”

For myself, I find that hiding myself is what I do at the just the worst times – the times I need His forgiveness and love the most.

Thanks be to God He comes along calling out: “Where are you?” And He is always there, waiting to embrace and welcome home the prodigal once again. He opens His arms and takes us back. He loves us, washes us, clothes us and restores us.

The daily office is just one way to encounter Him on an ongoing basis. Even when it is totally dry and the lips seem to be uttering lies at the start, if I persist the feeling is usually relieved. If not, no big deal. I know that there’s a chance the next time, or the time after. I always know it is a problem in me and my perception – not in Him or His unfailing love.

I hope that this is helpful and not condemnatory. I certainly do not wish to add to anyone burdens, but just to share my own struggles, recognizing that God works in a very unique way with each individual.

Oh, and on a practical level, I find that varying HOW I pray the office has been a help too. Lately, I’ve been praying from LSB, using the proposal sent out last year (or was it the year before?).

Much love in that Lover of us all!

During the daily office I have found both the deepest pain and the greatest strength as the Word of God went straight to the core of my being, reminding me that there is Paradise – but this most certainly ain’t it. During one of my roughest bouts in college, I found myself unable to sing hymns to the Lord because life hurt so badly. When the vespers Scripture was Romans 5 a few years ago, I told my wife I didn’t want more character and hope if it meant I could get out of the suffering I was going through. If you would ask me when I am most likely to shed tears today, my answer would be “while praying the office.” Rationally, it does not make sense, but Darkmyroad is exactly right when he says prayer can be painful.

And yet it is precisely in the daily offices that the Lord gives me strength to carry on. If I only had Sunday mornings, or if I succumbed to the lie that, “I’m in the Scriptures all the time as I feed God’s people, so I don’t need to have personal devotional time” I would have withered and died long ago. The Scriptures bring me life as they show me other brothers and sisters in Christ who failed too – and yet were saved (this week ironically brought the assignment to read Jonah 1:1-3). The Scriptures bring me life as the Holy Spirit gives me permission to express my groanings in this tent (2 Corinthians 5, Psalm 13), and reminds me that when I am at the end of my rope – so confused I don’t even know what to say – that He is praying for me with groanings too deep for Words (Romans 8). They bring me life as they show Christ punching a hole through the belly of death, redeeming and recreating this fallen world.

Private confession has lifted tremendous guilt off of my shoulders and has helped me better deal with depression – if only I would not neglect this gift and arrange for times to see my father confessor.

God sent our spouses to help us deal with this, but our ego gets in the way and we no longer understand nor believe in ourselves. Like the people we are attempting to minister to, we need to crucify ourselves and let God take over. But our ego gets in the way. Our society says we should be able to handle it, but it is to much. We land in the divit of despair…..

But all of a sudden in our blindness someone jumps down into the divit with us. We cannot see them, nor touch them, because we are blind, but we know the Voice.

It is the Holy Spirit. As Luther says, He calls us, gathers us and enlightens us by the Gospel. That sweet Gospel!!! That is what gets us out of our divit!!!!

That is the only thing keeping me going!!!!

May it keep you going as well!!!!!

Your Brother in Christ!!!!

What I have found is that it is precisely the things that would be best for me are the things that are hardest for me. Praying the daily office and private confession are a regular part of my habitus as a pastor. But I have found prayer in particular to be painful to the point of almost impossible. At best it is going through the motions. Usually I just can’t bring myself to do it, even knowing it God’s command and promise.

So we have our abbreviated daily office with our children at night, and I rejoice and am at peace knowing that there are many praying for me when I cannot.

Peace and joy in the Lord,

Addictions – By the grace of God, I never tried to “treat” my depression with alcohol or illegal drugs. I’m too scared of making life worse. But I’ve gone through periods of fixations on computer solitaire, sudoku, and surfing the web. (I even told myself the classic addicts phrase – I can stop at any time.)
I knew my life was not under my control, good results seemed too far in the future or too invisible and the bad was a blinking neon light. These fixations give me a sense of control and a chance to make decisions that didn’t affect anyone else – which wasn’t exactly true. Because I was in my own little world, I was away from the world of interaction with others.

Avoidance through other responsibilities – I can’t handle writing a sermon right now, or thinking about tonight’s elders’ meeting, or addressing this person’s sin issue, so I go visit shut-ins, sort the piles of mail on my desk, pick hymns, etc.